Finding your worth, not as single, but as an individual
On my train ride from Stockholm to Uppsala this Sunday evening, I entertained myself by reading a newspaper left on the seat by somebody. I got to my horoscope, and in a second, my mood went from excited-inspired-happy to grumpy-annoyed-sad.
What did my horoscope say? Something along the lines of “your partner is not happy, you should give him/her some extra attention and enjoy your day.” BARF. What? I have no idea how many people from my sign are in relationships, but there and then I had no interest in continuing reading the paper, because my horoscope did not apply to ME ME ME. Definitely a silly reaction, but what I was really pissy about was the fact that I had let a stupid (and probs untrue) horoscope dictate my mood. Then I thought “why not dedicate a blog entry to the holy two-someness of society?” And here we are.
The below statements for society probably goes for all people, but since this is a blog for young women leaders, those are the ones I will focus on. Since I was around 12 I have dreamed of a two-some relationship, something I have only really lately begun questioning as a rule that society has dictated for me and that really has nothing to do with my happiness. Sure, I can complain about the lack of potential partners because of various reasons: too young, too old, immature, non-caring, stupid, etc.
But this is not really where the problem lies. You have heard this before: One cannot be happy in a relationship if one isn´t happy with oneself. Sure, I would love to meet that amazing person to open up my life to and share it with, but am I really ready with myself on my own to do that?
Probably not. When I get past that “I hate everybody who´s in a perfect relationship with their perfectness and cute apartments and children and blah blah blah” I see that not being able to be alone whenever the hell I want to scares me.
[I love you all my friends and family in relationships, I am happy for you, I really am, just FYI.]
There are a lot of great things being your one and only individual in life. Mostly egoistic ones, which is great. I strongly dislike the fact that because two-someness is the “right thing” according to our social norms and standards, I feel like a sad person being on my own and doing things only with me or with my friends.
You know what? Being your own individual ROCKS. Why? Because all I have to care about is really me. And there is no need to look for something else, my life should be at its best at every single point, so let´s embrace the situation NOW!
Reasons you, as a strong individual young woman leader, are perfectly happy:
– You have all the time in the world to care about you, yourself and you. You (and I) can go home, not speak to anybody for 48 hours or more if you want to. We can invite whomever we want over for last-minute plans and make a great event out of it. We can go to concerts, events, dinners and such and only care to invite ourselves and a smashing outfit (have a body. Put a bikini on it).
– We can go off traveling/studying/working wherever we want to (and our money allows us). And if we do not have enough money, we can make some and then naturally spend it all on ourselves. Because yes, that is what we deserve.
– We have the chance to explore ourselves, mind, body and spirit, and figure out who we really are, and what the most important person in our lives (OURSELVES) love doing. Nobody but you can know you best, and knowing yourself takes time and effort.
– Figuring out how to LOVE YOURSELF unconditionally. You is the best thing you´ve got. Love you. Explore what you love sexually, mentally, physically, emotionally.
I have seen a lot of discussions lately on the internet, social media, media in general etc. about relationships and so on. I even got on this dating site because I do long for a committed, equal relationship. Tried it out for a bit. It´s a learning experience but I´m not sure that´s IT for me.
Let´s face it: society and our own minds tell us that the ultimate goal for us young women is to find a mate and to live in holy two-someness forever and ever. But if that´s just not cutting it for me? Well, then I will become a lonely, single, sad person.
HELL NO. Let´s embrace being our one and only person. The most important person in our lives. In MY life. If somebody awesome comes along, that´s great. But I need to respect and love myself first and foremost. And you should too.